So, I Graduated College

I can’t believe this day finally happened. I have been in school for the last sixteen years, SIXTEEN, and that is so crazy to think about. College really changed who I am. I met so many incredible and important people in the last four years who have helped to shape me into the person I am today. I guess what I want to do is share some wisdom that I have taken in over the last four years to those who have yet to graduate.

It’s okay if college isn’t for you

I have met so many people who only completed one semester or one year and realized that school isn’t for them, and that’s okay! There is no shame in not wanting to go to college because it is something that just isn’t for everyone. College is not the only key to success and it’s iimportant to let life guide you to where you need to be in order to feel fulfilled. I have found that during my time in college, but that doesn’t mean that all people will.

Take time for yourself

I realized about a month into my freshman year of college that I really value taking time to be alone. That’s hard to have in college because you have roommates and there’s so many people everywhere. I felt like the only time I had to be alone was in my car and that sucked. If you realize that you are someone who needs to get away from people every now and then, find how you can make that happen and take advantage. Is it going for a long walk or bike ride? Is it getting away in your car and finding somewhere new to explore? Is it finding a quiet corner of the library and diving into a book you’ve been desperately wanting to read? Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to take advantage.

Take your grades seriously

College is a time to have fun, but you want to know what isn’t fun? Realizing that it’s the end of the semester and there is barely any hope for you to pass classes. That results in so much stress and a lot of money wasted. Luckily i never ran into this issue, but I know some people who did and they were miserable when it came time to get their act together and try to save their grades.  College is a time to have fun, meet new people, and try new things, but those happy times shouldn’t keep you from what you actually came to college to do- get an education and a degree!!!

Take chances

College is a time to discover who you are. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Life is too short to play it safe. Taking chances in life can result in so many great opportunities but you are the only one who can get you there. Put yourself out there and see what life has to offer you. Nobody becomes successful by siting in their room all day and expecting an opportunity to fall on their lap. It is up to you to get your name and your abilities out there and show people the incredible and talented person you are and why you are the best person for the job.

Take changes on your personal life. Ask the cute person out who you’ve been crushing on for months. Go to the open mic night and let your voice shine. Publish something to the school paper and let your words inspire others. Start that youtube channel and share your story! The possibilities are endless. They only end if you let them.

Don’t be afraid to take a chance on yourself.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything you don’t want to do

When you’re in college, you’re meeting so many new people and making so many new memories. Never let anyone pressure into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Whether that’s drinking, drugs, or doing something plain stupid, don’t do anything unless you want to. Nobody should judge you for not doing something you feel genuinely uneasy about. This is different from taking chances. Don’t take a chance on something that you are genuinely worried about. Take a chance on opportunities you genuinely want. And if anyone makes you feel bad for not partaking in anything you don’t want to do, then they aren’t worth having in your life.

Have fun!!!

I cannot stress this enough! College is a time to discover who you are! You are young and your future is bright. Meet new people, go to games, go to parties. Find people who you click with and take life by the horns and run with it. This is your time. This is your time to find your passion in life. If you don’t then that’s okay. At least you are discovering important things about yourself. Cherish the memories you make in college because before you know it, those four years fly by and you’re walking passed your loved ones in a cap and gown ready to recieve a piece of paper you have been working your ass off to get for the last sixteen years.

This is your time. Don’t waste it.

Sincerely,

A sentimental graduate

 

An Update on My Life

Hello Internet! It truly has been a while since I’ve last posted. A lot has happened in the last few months.

Firstly, I served as Production Manager for my class’s senior thesis project where we form a company and put on a children’s show. The show was called The Princess King and it was an incredible experience! We had many ips and downs along the way but we made it through! It was a show that taught us and the children so many important lessons about being yourself and never giving up on your dreams. We had such an amazing time putting this show on and it is something that I will remember as one of the best experiences of my life.

Cast and Crew of The Princess King – DeSales Theatre Class of 2019

My classes this semester have taught me so much about life and myself. My favorite class, which is actuall one of the best classes I’ve ever taken is called Women in the World and it has taught me so much about being a strong woman and how to share my strengths with the world. We have been tackling the experiences of women through christianity, pre-christianity, and modern thought. It has been so enightening to see how throughout history, the notion of the fall of man from genesis is the precursor to poor treatment of women. Because this text has been taken literally, women have been thought of as lesser than men and have been at a disservice throughout history. It never hit me that this has been the case and really opened my eyes on how to educate myself and those around me on how we can achieve truer equality between the sexes.

I am on the Wardrobe crew for Pippin at DeSales and it is proving to be a very fun experience. I love the actors I am working with and they have made it great. I loved hanging out with some of my best friends every night and having an opportunity to work with costumes during a run. It also gives me more experience learning how to interract with different people backstage as a stage manager.

In the summer, I will be returning to the Pennsylvania Shakespeare Festival as a stage management intern for the REP shows. This will be my third season at the Festival, and I am really looking forward coming back again. This will be my first time working on shows that are rehearsing simultaneously and while it will be hard and stressful at times, it is an opportunity for me to learn about this type of process and to put my organizational skills to the test.

After the summer, I will have my first Post-Grad job as the Non-Equity Assistant Stage Manager at Delaware Theatre Company. I am so excited for this incredible opportunity to learn and hone my skills in my craft. I have been a little nervous lately over the thought of leaving school and not going back. I don’t think this will really hit me until I start my job at DTC. It is so strange to think that afterbeing in school for the last 18 years, I will finally be free, well at least of homework. Hello, debt! I am really dreading student loans but as long as I am smart with my money and keep working hard, I will eventually get through that.

Now that the semester is ending, I am hoping to get back into the swing of this blog and to get more of my story out there!

 

I Am Woman

To me, womanhood is embracing your strength, defying gender and social norms, shattering the class ceiling until nothing is left. As a gender, womanhood has been challenged since the earliest stories of creation and as a modern-day woman, I feel that it is my duty to further embrace these aspects of womanhood to inspire myself, others around me, and future generations of strong, badass women.

Websters Dictionary’s website has many definitions of the word “empower, and one of them is the verb to empower, explaining it as “to promote the self-actualization or influence of [something]” and uses its example as how the women’s march is inspiring and empowering to women. The word “empower” is being adopted into the culture of feminism and equality between all regardless of gender, gender identity, skin color, social standing, etc. “Empower” has become a very common word in my vocabulary lately and it has become a positive necessity in my life that touches everything I do. Everything I study for, every conversation, blog post, thought, has come from this place of empowerment that was once so deep inside me that I didn’t know it was there. Now, my empowerment has begun to grow and flourish within me and has taught me that I need to help other people grow.

I am currently taking one of the best classes I have ever taken in college called “Women in the World” and every day it inspires me to be a better woman and helps me to understand what it means to be female. I am very empowered by my gender and sexuality and I believe that it has given me a power and confidence in life. It gives me something to identify with and gives me a further understanding with the women around me. As women, we have been subject to the stories that our ancestors have been privy to which, when taken seriously, have been an integral part in shaping society’s standards of who women are to be in relation to themselves, other women, and men. The main one is the book of Genesis in the Bible. After the fall of man, the Bible states that Eve was to go from being in equal union to Adam to being beneath him and would have to follow his way instead of her own. I remember in grade school (which was a private catholic school) when the girls and boys would get into arguments with each other because of the whole Adam and Eve story. The boys would say that because Eve sinned first and convinced Adam to eat the fruit that girls are clearly inferior to boys. These gender barriors were present in us as young children and has fed a society where, although women are making amazing strides in the workforce, in sports, in the beauty community, and so many other places, we as an entire gender are still seen as inferior to men.

Inferior to men? FUCK THAT! Feminism is not about one gender being greater than the other. It is about each gender lifting the other up in all aspects of life. It’s about men not feeling emasculated if a woman is in a higher position than him. It’s about women supporting men who may take on responsibilities that were once considered too feminine.

I asked some of the people closest to me about what it means to them to be a woman and here’s some of their responses:

“Powerful yet flexible”

“Never letting others stop you from being who you are on the inside”

“Supporting other women, being proud of who you are. Women are real life superHERos!”

“Having the ability to nurture, love, adapt, support, cry, rage, calm and grow. We are a jumble of emotions and its our best attribute.”

 

My favorite quote comes from my beautiful mother: “I think empowerment means not sitting back and letting life happen to you, but tackling challenges head-on. I think it is also being unafraid to chase your dreams and do what you need to do in order to achieve those dreams, even if those dreams challenge society’s expectations and notions of womanhood. Keep doing what you are doing!” This is a woman who inspires me every day. I am never afraid to talk to her about anything and I know she has my back no matter what I do. My mom never followed what society expected of her. She did what felt right to her. Coming from a “traditional” family, her parents pushed her to get married right after high school but she wanted more out of life. She traveled, got a job, met my dad, and began her life her way. She worked while my sister and I were young and then decided to be a stay at home mom because she felt that it was best for her family. Then when I was 7, she went to college and finally got a degree she’d been wanting for so long. She worked her ass off with two small children, pets, a husband, and so many responsibilities to become an english teacher and inspire and mold the minds of the future. Sometimes I forget how much my mom has done to make her life the way she wants it and to also help my sister and I live up to our fullest potential and that selflessness is something I can only hope to come close to paying back.

To come to a conclusion to my rambling, being a woman is finding your path in your own way. It’s fighting to make a change fot the future that’s good for all. It’s finding your inner strength to accept and love yourself so that others can do the same. Being a woman means to empower. Take your strengths to empower yourself, those around you, and those you have yet to meet.

Feeling Down About Your Body

I’ve been working this year to lose weight so I can become an organ donor for my dad, but sometimes I just feel so down about myself. Despite having a positive outlook on this experience, I didn’t realize how having a weight goal and putting more thought and effort into me weight and body would effect me emotionally. I’ve noticed that when I get out of the shower and before I get dressed, I stare at my stomach a lot. I have stretch marks and it isn’t a small stomach and I have been feeling so ashamed of it lately. Sometimes I think I see results but then I get down on myself. I go between huge bursts of confidence but then I look at myself more and more and think that I’m gaining weight instead if losing it. It’s frustrating because I didn’t think about having setbacks in this part of my life. But setbacks are a part of being human. To have doubts and question what you’re doing is a normal part of human nature. Life would not be life withouts setbacks. Nobody is ever fully confident in how they look. When I tell my friends that I feel down about my body, I’m always surrounded by intense words of love and reassurance and they point out everything about me that they admire and I feel on top of the world. Sometimes you need to let go of your fears and think more in terms of how my friends do.

I put this post down for a week because of classwork and the other day, I looked at myself in a window and just thought, “damn, I look good.” It was this moment that I reminded myself that everything is going to be okay. Having confidence in yourself is a damn good thing and don’t be afraid of it. Life is a rollercoaster full of ups and downs and you need to remember that whenever you feel down, you can only go up from there.

 

Suck the Marrow Out of Life

“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of
life” from Henry David Thoreau’s Walden

If you are a fan of the Dead Poets Society, you know that Mr. Keating and his students strove to break the embrace of conformity in order to take life and get all they could out of it. We are in 2019, a new year. It is an opportunity to turn towards optimism for you and your fellow-man. I am currently taking a class called “Women in the World” and we have been discussing women’s place in the world and how women have shaped history and society. In the beginning of the semester, we had an open-class discussion about what it’s like to be a woman in the world today and it was one of the most empowering conversations I have ever had. I felt so connected to everyone in the class, even the people I don’t even know. It makes me feel so strong and confident knowing that there are other strong, smart, and determined women in my life who value being a woman and want to continue to fight for equality amongst all humand despite gender, race, sexuality, social status, etc. This class has made me realize that I have the power to forge a path for myself and future generations as a woman who wants to strive for respect and partnership between men and women.

Lately, I have been having a lot of thoughts and conversations about life after college and how it is my job to make opportunities for myself and get the most I can out of life. One of the best things I can do for myself is to make things happen for myself. If you aren’t going out to get jobs and pursue your passions, then what are you doing? Are you waiting for the phone to ring and just assume that people will randomly happen upon you? That’s not realistic. To quote Hannah Montana, “Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it rock.” You are in charge of the life you lead and it is up to you to bring it to its fullest potential. You are the CEO of your life and no CEO has ever been successful without putting everything out on the line and taking a chance on what makes them happy. Whether you are in theatre, film, dance, nursing, communication, finance, etc., it is up to you to put everything out there and take a chance on yourself.

Watch Dead Poet’s Society and let the words of this wonderful film fuel your inspiration. Fill yourself with self-love and appreciation that will propel you forward. Find your passions in life and achieve greatness.

School Stress

Now that most people I know have been getting into the swing of a new semester, I want to talk about something that is constantly present in my life: school stress. Everyone experiences this because in school, especially college, you are expected to do so much at a high standard and sometimes it’s hard to keep up. I’ve had my fair share of breakdowns where I sob on the phone to my mom and then binge watch a RomCom on Netflix with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and as I’ve grown as an adult and a student, I’ve discovered ways for me to manage this stress.

One of the biggest tools I use is lists. This is so simple and really makes a difference. When you have a lot to do in a short period of time, it feels like the world is spinning and is about to collapse on you. What I have learned to do is make a list of every thing I need to do, in order from what’s due first to last, and guesstimate how much time I think it will take me to accomplish each task. This way I can plan my days accordingly to what I think I will accomplish when. Then, I can cross everything off and that’s so unbelievable therapeutic to do!

Another great thing for me to do is vent my feelings to people. Sometimes all I need is to call my parents or my best friend and just freak out about what’s bothering me. They always give me good advice after and it’s nice to know that someone has listened and is sympathetic to what you’re going through. My mom is a teacher and sometimes when I get stressed while studying, she gives me good tips.

My mind wanders like you wouldn’t believe, especially when I try to go to sleep and when I’ve been particularly stressed during the day, I often struggle to sleep and get even more stressed. Something my roommate suggested is that I occasionally take a melatonin tablet when I struggle to fall asleep and it has made a huge difference in my life. Melatonin is the natural chemical in your brain that activates when you are tired and by taking a tablet of melatonin, you are kick starting this natural chemical and it helps you fall asleep faster. If I know I have a big day coming up, the night before I’ll try to get to bed early and take a meletonin and sleep like a log.

These are three things that have made a huge difference in my life. If you have tried any of these and have opinions to share, please do! Also, if you have any tips to help with stress, I’d love to hear about them!

Growing Through Trauma

It was a few days before my 16th birthday. I was in the kitchen doing homework when I heard my dog barking outside. This was usual for her because she’s see other animals, people, or hear noises that would set off her curiosity. But this day, her bark sounded desperate, full of fear, so I went outside to investigate. I went to the back deck and I saw him, a man I didn’t know, a stranger in my back yard. Next thing I know, he’s coming at me and tried to put his hands around my neck. I run into my house and go to close the door but he starts pushing against the other side and I’m in tights, so I start sliding backward, unable to keep the door fully closed. All I know is that I’m terrified and don’t have a weapon on me so I begin to scream for my dad, who works from home and thank God he was home that day. The man starts to push harder against the door when my dad storms into the room and chases him out of our yard. He ran to a neighbor across the street who was able to catch him and he and my dad kept him still until the police arrived. My mom came home to find me in tears. I couldn’t process what had happened. Then it hit me. We couldn’t find our dog. She was 6 years old and so small. She was usually so eager to greet my mom when she got home from work but she wasn’t there. We began screaming her name, running around the front and back yard and eventually the neighborhood searching for her but she was nowhere to be found. Eventually I looked behind the shed in our back yard and saw a small patch of white fur buried in a pile of leaves. I gently called for my sweet little Bella and she emerged from her hiding place. She slowly came towards me and I gathered her in my arms and rushed her inside. There was no physical harm to her and my mom and I showered her with love and treats for the rest of the night. The next thing I know, the man is taken away and I was left with the memories of what had happened. I was surprised that the police hadn’t come to my door to speak to me. Later that night, a police officer came to our door to explain that the man had been extremely high on acid and was hospitalized for it. I never knew what came of him.

This memory haunted me heavily for the next year. I refused to do my homework alone in the kitchen, I always made sure the door was locked, even when everyone was home, and I started to fear that he would come back. I went to therapy but nothing would stop my fears. The next year, I went to a neighbor’s New Year’s Eve party and a friend of the neighbor casually mentioned to me that another friend of hers was out to dinner with the mother of the guy who attacked me and didn’t understand why I was having issues grasping this. It hit me hard because I now had a name to put on him. I knew that he lived in the neighborhood next to mine. I knew that he was so close at all times and I was now more terrified than ever. I felt so betrayed that so many people I thought I was close to, people who were best friends with my mom, knew who this guy was and didn’t think to tell me. I went into a mental breakdown and ran home from the party in a complete panic. I don’t remember making it to 2015 because I was too busy rocking myself to sleep. I searched the internet for this guy but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I then found his mom’s Facebook and his face was everywhere. I was becoming more and more haunted by this man and it was becoming my own personal hell where I was the only person affected by what had happened. I remembered that my therapist said I should send him a letter to try to gain closure but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I then, sent his mother a message on facebook professing my forgiveness for her son for what had happened because I hoped that there would be a reconciliation to bring me closure. She never responded. I never had my closure. And despite saying I forgave him, I knew it wasn’t true.

Fast forward 6 years and I still think about him. When I’m out alone, I get scared that he’s following me into the grocery store or is going to break into my house at school to hurt me. My mom recently brought him up and all of these emotions started flooding back to me. I didn’t handle it responsibly so I sought solace in a bottle of wine and some hard ciders. I started to panic so I did something my drunken state thought would be a good idea: I wrote to the guy’s mother again. She never responded.

It’s been six years since the incident happened in the middle of November 2013 and although I’m usually alright, I still have triggers that bring this up for me. Sometimes it’s people in TV or film, sometimes it’s overhearing people talking about hard drugs. It can be anything, really. Just because something happened a long time ago, doesn’t mean that you won’t have triggers to bring it up to you again. It’s hard being strong when your family is constantly telling you that they never have to worry about you because you always have it together. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. All I can do at this point is try to grow from what I have learned from this. It’s become aparent that I do my best growth in this situation by myself. I have never had comfort from anyone regarding this. It’s a private journey that I must bear and it’s so hard sometimes. I have grown in my knowledge of keeping my defenses up and I am much more wary of people. It has definitely affected my trust, but I feel that anyone in this situation would have the same thing happen to them.

To the man who did this to me, I know you will never read this but here are my words to you. You made a mistake. Your anger and frustration from your parent’s divorce pushed you towards hard drugs and you seriously hurt a teenage girl. It’s been 6 years and she still has times where she struggles to cope. I want to forgive you but in the meantime, I can’t. So it’s with a strong and sound heart and mind that I say, FUCK YOU.

My Progress So Far

Now that we are in the new year, part of my resolution was to bring myself to be the healthiest I can be so that I can be an organ donor for my dad. So far, I have been tracking my food and going for walks or using my parents’ elliptical every day and I am very proud of the work I have been putting in. I’ll admit that I haven’t been the absolute healthiest on this journey. I have indulged in some sweets almost every day and I need to exercise more self-control. I had a bad morning last week where I looked at myself in the mirror and I was so upset with the way I looked. Then I got even more upset because I was thinking so poorly of myself. It’s important that I feel confident in myself and put myself to a true and healthy routine. I have loved getting into the habit of taking a break from whatever laziness I have put myself to and taking a half an hour or so to be active. It’s a great way for me to feel productive, which I love, and I get to confidently say that I did something to improve my health and am closer to my goal of being healthy enough to be a donor.

I have been trying to phrase this journey as me trying to be healthier so I can be a donor and I avoid solely thinking about losing weight or becoming thinner. This has been helpful in shaping how I think about myself and my adjusting lifestyle. Pushing myself to be more positive has, so far, been the biggest thing making me continue. Instead of thinking, “ugh I have to go work out now…” I think about how nice it would be to go for a nice long walk in the fresh air, or I think about how nice it would be to go ham on the elliptical and then shower off all the sweat. If I go extra hard on a workout, I treat myself to some awesome skin care after just to keep up the pampering of my body. Working out in a way is pampering yourself because for me, when I’m done, it makes me feel better about myself. Even though I may regret it in the middle of it, I’ve never come down from a workout and regretted anything I did.

I can’t wait to see how I keep going throughout this month and the rest of this year. It hasn’t been long, but I really am proud of everything I’ve done. I hope this can inspire anyone else looking into a lifestyle change!

Favorite Skincare Products of 2018

I take my skin care very seriously because I like having nice, soft skin and I don’t wear makeup very often. Below Is a collective image of every product I used in 2018. I have dry skin, and I found all of these products to be very nice.

Going in order of when I use the products in my routine, I’ll give my review and whether or not I want to use it after I finish it.

First is the Stem Cellular Cleansing Oil by Juice Beauty. I use this to take off my makeup and it really cuts through the product and melts the makeup away, even on my full glam nights with intense contour and glitter. It retails for $34 at Ulta. I have found that the Pacifica Coconut Cleansing Oil is a good dupe for this, retailing at $15.

Here are the ingredients: Juice Beauty Proprietary Blend Of Fruit Stem Cells: Apple Buds, Grape Buds & Lemon Leaf.
Helianthus Annuus (Organic Sunflower Seed Oil/Huile De Graines De Tournesol Bio)*, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride+ , Polysorbate 80, Vitis Vinifera (Organic Grape Seed Oil/Huile De Pépins De Raisin Bio)*, Tetrahexyldecyl Ascorbate (Vitamin C/Vitamine C), Tocopherol (Vitamin E/Vitamine E), Pyrus Malus (Organic Apple Juice/Jus De Pomme Bio)*, Citrus Medica Limonum (Organic Lemon Juice/Jus De Citron Bio)*, Malus Domestica (Apple Fruit Cell Culture Extract/Extrait De Culture Cellulaire De Pomme), Vitis Vinifera (Grape Fruit Cell Extract/Extrait De Cellule De Raisin), Citrus Medica Limonum (Lemon Leaf Cell Extract/Extrait De Cellule Des Feuilles De Citron), Litsea Cubeba (May Chang Oil/Huile De Chang Mai), Cinnamomum Camphora (Ho Wood Oil/Huile De Camphre).

*Certified Organic Ingredient / Ingrediént Certifié Bio
+ Plant Derived / Origine Végétale

Next is the Neutrogena Hydroboost Cleansing Gel. This has been a nice cleanser. It’s very light and makes my skin feel very clean. It retails for $8.99. I prefer the Neutrogena Naturals Purifying Facial Cleanser because it feels more gentle on my skin when I rub it in. This product retails for $7.99.

Here are the ingredients: Water, Glycerin, Cocamidopropyl Hydroxysultaine, Sodium Cocoyl Isethionate, Sodium Methyl Cocoyl Taurate, Sodium Chloride, Sodium Hydrolyzed Potato Starch Dodecenylsuccinate, Potassium Acrylates Copolymer, Hydroxyacetophenone, Polysorbate 20, Phenoxyethanol, Fragrance, Linoleamidopropyl Pg-Dimonium Chloride Phosphate, Sodium Hydroxide, Citric Acid, Polyquaternium-10, Disodium Edta, Ethylhexylglycerin, Hydrolyzed Hyaluronic Acid

Next is the Neutrogena Hydroboost Exfoliating Facial Cleanser. I like this product because it’s very gentle on my skin and I never feel irritated after. I used to use an exfoliant by Aveeno and it was just too harsh for my skin. My skin isn’t sensitive but it’s nice to have something gentle. So far, this is the best exfoliant I have tried to date. It retails for $7.99.

Here are the ingredients: Water, Sodium C14-16 Olefin Sulfonate, Cocamidopropyl Hydroxysultaine, Glycerin, Sodium Hydrolyzed Potato Starch Dodecenylsuccinate, Acrylates Crosspolymer-4, Cellulose, Polysorbate 20, Citric Acid, Sodium Benzoate, Glycolic Acid, Fragrance, Lactic Acid, Sodium Hydroxide, Disodium Edta, Carica Papaya (Papaya) Fruit Extract, Hydrolyzed Hyaluronic Acid.

For toner, I have been LOVING the Pixi Rose Tonic. I love this toner so much because it’s super hydrating and my skin feels so rejuvenated once I’ve used it. The 3.4 fl oz bottle retails for $15.

Here are the ingredients: Water, Rosa Damascena Flower Water, Propanediol, Glycerin, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Sodium Pca, Peg-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Triethyl Citrate, Rose Extract, Phenoxyethanol, Rosa Canina Extract, Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract, Sambucus Nigra Flower (Elder Flower) Extract, Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract, Sodium Hyaluronate, Betaine, Sodium Citrate, Montmorillonite, Citric Acid, Disodium Edta, Ethylhexylglycerin, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate.

Another toner I’ve been using is the Ofra Cosmetics Energizing Elixir. This is a nice toner that leaves my face feeling very refreshed. I must say I prefer the Pixi toner to this one. The Ofra toner retails for $14.

Here are the ingredients: DEIONIZED WATER, ALOE VERA EXTRACT, GLYCERIN, MAGNESIUM ASPARTATE (AND) ZINC GLUCONATE (AND) COPPER GLUCONATE, ALLANTOIN, METHYLIAZOLINONE.

I noticed that I’ve had pretty large pores lately, so to help combat this, I’ve begun using The Ordinary Granactive Retinoid 2% Emulsion. The Ordinary is a very affordable brand with really cool products. I highly recommend looking into this brand for products that you don’t normally find in the store. This retails for about $10 depending on where you purchase it.

Here are the ingredients: Squalane, C12-15 Alkyl Benzoate, Bisabolol, Dimethyl Isosorbide, Hydroxypinacolone Retinoate, Solanum Lycopersicum (Tomato) Fruit Extract, Simmondsia Chinensis (Jojoba) Seed Oil.

I follow up this product with another from The Ordinary. After the retinol serum, I use the Hylauronic Acid 2% + B5 Serum. This has such a rich consistency and my feels feels so rich and my skin looks amazing after I use this product. I will absolutely purchase it again once I’m out. This product retails for about $7.

Here are the ingredients: Aqua (Water), Sodium Hyaluronate, Pentylene Glycol, Propanediol, Sodium Hyaluronate Crosspolymer, Panthenol, Ahnfeltia Concinna Extract, Glycerin, Trisodium Ethylenediamine Disuccinate, Citric Acid, Isoceteth-20, Ethoxydiglycol, Ethylhexylglycerin, Hexylene Glycol, 1,2-Hexanediol, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl Glycol.

After this, I have been using the L’Oreal Age Perfect Eye Renewal. This is an okay product. It feels nice on the skin but it didn’t last long. I have very dry skin under my eyes and the smooth sensation didn’t last long after application. This retails for $12. I will be looking into a new product when this runs out.

Here are the ingredients: 782048/10: Water, Cyclohexasiloxane, Glycerin, Alcohol Denat., Paraffinum Liquidum/Mineral Oil, Prunus Armeniaca Kernel Oil/Apricot Kernel Oil, Butyrospermum Parkii Butter/Shea Butter, Dimethicone, Stearic Acid, Palmitic Acid, Peg-100 Stearate, Cera Alba/Beeswax, Glyceryl Stearate, Cetearyl Alcohol, Silica, Rosa Canina Fruit Oil, Tin Oxide, C13-14 Isoparaffin, Peg-20 Stearate, Triethanolamine, Dimethiconol, Caffeine, Sodium Cocoyl Glutamate, Vigna Aconitifolia/Vigna Aconitifolia Seed Extract, Ammonium Polyacryldimethyltauramide/Ammonium Polyacryloyldimethyl Taurate, Disodium Edta, Propylene Glycol, Hydrolyzed Cicer Seed Extract, Hydroxypropyl Tetrahydropyrantriol, Capryloyl Salicylic Acid, Laureth-7, Lauroyl Lysine, Synthetic Fluorphlogopite, Oxothiazolidinecarboxylic Acid, Ethylhexyl Methoxycinnamate, Polyacrylamide, Polymethyl Methacrylate, Polyurethane-2, Octyldodecanol, Retinyl Palmitate, Tocopherol, Phenoxyethanol, Ci 16035/Red 40, Ci 19140/Yellow 5, Ci 77891/Titanium Dioxide, Sodium Dehydroacetate, F.i.l. #B164684/1

For moisturizer, I’ve been using a few. The first is the Neutrogena Naturals Multi-Vitamin Nourishing Misturizer. This is a great cream that absorbs quickly and leaves my face feeling nice and soft. I love putting this on after a shower because it feels like I have put all the moisture back into my skin. This product retails for $16.

Here are the ingredients: Water (Purified Water), Dicaprylyl Carbonate (Coconut/Palm Kernel Derived), Glycerin (Vegetable), Glyceryl Stearate (Coconut/Palm Kernel), Cetearyl Alcohol (Vegetable), Heptyl Undecylenate (Caster Oil), Plukenetia Volubilis Seed Oil (Inca Inchi Oil), Cetearyl Olivate (Olive Oil), Sorbitan Olivate (Olive Oil), Stearic Acid (Palm Oil), Gluconolactone (Corn), Benzyl Alcohol (The Remaining Ingredients Are Essential to Blend the Product Together and Maintain Effectiveness.), Ethylhexylglycerin (The Remaining Ingredients Are Essential to Blend the Product Together and Maintain Effectiveness.), Sclerotium Gum (Fermented Plant Matter), Tocopherol (Vegetable), Sodium Benzoate (The Remaining Ingredients Are Essential to Blend the Product Together and Maintain Effectiveness.), Fragrance (The Remaining Ingredients Are Essential to Blend the Product Together and Maintain Effectiveness.), Ilex Paraguariensis Leaf Extract (Yerba Mate Tea), Maltodextrin (Cassava), Caesalpinia Spinosa Gum (Peruvian Tara Seed), Hydrolyzed Caesalpinia Spinosa Gum (Peruvian Tara Seed).

Another great moisturizer is the Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel. This product is very light weight and my skin easily drinks it up. It’s nice because it doesn’t have a super creamy texture but it still gets the job done. this product retails for $20.

Here are the ingredients: Water, Dimethicone, Glycerin, Dimethicone/Vinyl Dimethicone Crosspolymer, Phenoxyethanol, Polyacrylamide, Cetearyl Olivate, Sorbitan Olivate, Dimethiconol, C13_14 Isoparaf_n, Dimethicone Crosspolymer, Chlorphenesin, Carbomer, Laureth_7, Sodium Hyaluronate, Ethylhexylglycerin, Fragrance, C12_14 Pareth_12, Sodium Hydroxide, Blue 1.

For night cream, I have been using the Botanics Hydrating Night Cream. When I put this on at night, I wake up and my skin feels so smooth and silky. It has a wonderful floral scent which I don’t mind. I know some people are wary about scented skincare products. This is a really nice natural brand. This product retails for $14.

Here are the ingredients: Aqua (Water), Glycerin, Prunus amygdalus dulcis (Sweet almond) oil, Dimethicone, Cetearyl alcohol, Cetearyl olivate, Sorbitan olivate, Sodium polyacrylate, Hibiscus sabdariffa flower extract, Butyrospermum parkii (Shea) butter, Phenoxyethanol, Xanthan gum, Dimethicone crosspolymer, Caprylyl glycol, Parfum (Fragrance), Sodium hyaluronate, Sodium benzoate, Citric acid, Ethylhexylglycerin, Dipropylene glycol, Tetrasodium EDTA, Tocopheryl acetate, Benzoic acid, Dehydroacetic acid.

For an acne spot treatment, I have been using the Mario Badescu Drying Lotion. This product is a bit potent but it does a great job helping me get rid of my pimples. I just dip a q-tip into the lotion, dab it on any problem spot, and let it sit all night and when I wash it off the next morning, my pimples have clearly calmed down. The product is a bit potent when you first open the bottle, but the smell isn’t an issue when it’s on my face. This product retails for $17.

Here are the ingredients: Isopropyl Alcohol, Aqua (Water, Eau), Calamine, Zinc Oxide, Titanium Dioxide, Sulfur, Camphor, Talc, Glycerin, Salicylic Acid.

For a fresh spritz, I have been using the Mario Badescu Rose Water Facial Spray. I love this product because it cools me down on a hot day and is a nice way to add some hydrating freshness to your skin. It can also work as a setting spray if need be. I like to use this if I get too overheated while applying my makeup to freshen up and give myself a chance to set my makeup before I sweat it off. I am absolutely buying this again. This product retails for $7.

Here are the ingredients: Aqua (Water, Eau), Propylene Glycol, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Rosa Canina Extract, Thymus Vulgaris (Thyme) Leaf Extract, Fucus Vesiculosus Extract, Gardenia Florida Fruit Extract, Caprylyl Glycol, Hexylene Glycol, Polysorbate 20, Parfum (Fragrance), Phenoxyethanol, Sodium Chloride, Citronellol, Geraniol, CI 17200 (Red 33), CI 42090 (Blue 1).

Last but not least, I have been using the Garnier Micellar Water, but usually not to remove a full face of makeup. This product has been so handy to fix small mistakes while I do my makeup and it is a fantastic product to use when cleaning your brushes. I don’t often use it to remove my face makeup because I don’t like using wipes unless I have nothing else. I prefer to remove my makeup with a cleanser. This is a great product that retails for $9.

Here are the ingredients: Aqua/Water, Cyclopentasiloxane, Isohexadecane, Potassium Phosphate, Sodium Chloride, Hexylene Glycol, Dipotassium Phosphate, Disodium EDTA, Decyl Glucoside, Polyaminopropyl Biguanide

I hope this has been eye-opening for anyone reading this. These are all of the products I tried in 2018 and my opinions on them. If you have any great products to recommend, I’d love to hear about them!

Looming Anxious Thoughts – My Senior Project

There are often times where I feel a small pang of anxiety looming over me because of thoughts of what I can’t control. For me, this is mainly the thought of everything that I have yet to do or the future that awaits me beyond college. One of the biggest things on my mind is this big senior project I have going on. It’s called Act 3 (technically it’s Integrating Experience) and for this class, the senior theatre majors must form a company put on an entire children’s show. This includes picking the show, electing people to positions, designing the show’s lights, sound, costumes, sets, and props, casting the show, and putting everything on its feet. I am the production manager for our show, which is called The Princess King. It is a charming tale about defying expectations and stereotypes regarding gender and status.

I have a big job, making sure that everythings stays organized, and it’s the first time I’ve had an opportunity to do this. To make matters worse, the faculty usually expects students to learn from their predecessors so I’ll have to rely on people who don’t even go to school any more to help me with odd questions… Or I’ll have to figure them out for my own. I am interested in production management as another career path but this role is of not the typical production manager so it is unfortunately not teaching me much in terms of what I should expect should I hope to take on more responsibilities in this type of role in a professional setting.  It scares me knowing that I’m not confident in how I should do my job and I worry I’ll let people down. All I want in the world is to help put on a show that we will all be proud of and be a leader that my class can rely on and trust throughout the entire process. I want to be confident and I think to get me there, I must make a list of everything I can expect so that I don’t get overwhelmed when things come up. Making lists is a good way for me to get my anxiety together and I hope that will help with this.

I have an incredible support system within my senior class and outside and I know that I will have help. I just need to trust myself.